The results of the latest 'Happy Hubby' survey are in, and while there were fewer people than usual who completed the survey (summer holidays?), the respondents included a good spread in terms of their gender, age, years married and with and without young children in the home, so I think my results are valid. And they do support the hypothesis that I was testing, that men and women have a very different psychology when it comes to the relationship between sexual and marital fulfillment.
Broadly put, for the majority of the wives who responded, their degree of satisfaction with their overall marriage relationship directly influenced their sexual relationship with their spouse.
For the majority of the husbands on the other hand, their degree of satisfaction with their sexual relationship directly influenced their overall marriage relationship.
What then is the take-away from this? Simply put,
- Wives, if you want to improve your overall marriage relationship with your husband, then give adequate attention to his needs in the bedroom, and
- Husbands, if you want to improve your sexual relationship with your wife, then give adequate attention to your marriage outside of the bedroom.
It seems that the old adage holds true: "Women need to feel loved to want sex, and husbands need sex to feel loved."
(I know that there are wives who are the higher drive in their relationship, and for whom a lack of adequate intimacy is negatively impacting their overall marriage relationship, so the above is a broad generalization, but like most generalizations, it will hold true for many couples.)
To give the supporting data from which I drew the above conclusions:
I asked respondents to choose the best option from a choice of 4 alternatives:
- My level of satisfaction with my overall marriage relationship positively influences my intimate relationship with my spouse.
- My level of satisfaction with my overall marriage relationship negatively influences my intimate relationship with my spouse.
- My level of satisfaction with my intimate relationship with my spouse positively influences my overall relationship with my spouse.
- My level of satisfaction with my intimate relationship with my spouse negatively influences my overall relationship with my spouse.
The male respondents overwhelmingly (75.6%) selected the third and fourth options, showing that their take on their intimate relationship with their spouse impacts their overall marriage relationship, more than vice versa.
The female respondents on the other hand primarily (60%) selected the first and second options, showing that their take on their overall marriage relationship impacts their desire to be intimate with their spouse, more than vice versa.
Other stats from the feedback for the stats junkies (like me!) out there -
The respondents on the whole rated their satisfaction with their overall marriage relationship high, at an average 8.04 out of 10 (Wives 7.53 and Husbands 8.24).
Overall satisfaction with their sex life rated lower, at only 6.46 out of 10 (Wives 6.73 and Husbands 6.35).
Satisfaction with the frequency of sex rated lower still, at 5.98 (Wives 5.73 and Husbands 6.08).
The average number of times that respondents are intimate is just over 2 times per week. The distribution varies quite widely, however, with:
23% of respondents intimate less than once per week,
21% intimate once per week,
17% intimate 2 times and another 17% 3 times per week,
14% 4 times per week,
4% 5 times per week and another 4% 6 times per week.
Overall satisfaction with the quality of intimate encounters was pleasingly high, at an average of 7.21 out of 10 (Wives 7.33 and Husbands 7.16). A full 43% of respondents (46% of Wives and 40% of Husbands) scored this question a 9 or 10 out of 10! The lower score for the overall level of satisfaction with intimacy thus seems to relate more to quantity than to quality, and should thus be quite easy to fix!
