This is the second part of feedback from the survey looking at how long sex lasts. The first part looked at how long couples typically spend making love, while this blog examines the findings relating to how long husbands and wives respectively take to orgasm from different types of stimulation.
The premise of the survey, and the original blog post that introduced it, is that there is a wide range of experiences and no 'normal'. Although there are trends evident from the data below, it is important to look at the wide range of responses on either side of the most common response. Almost all the categories show a normal distribution on either side of the mean. So, for example, where the largest group of wife respondents who can orgasm that way indicated that it usually takes them 5-10 minutes to orgasm from intercourse, there is also a significant percentage that take 10-15 minutes and 15-20 minutes, and on the other side a significant percentage that take 3-5 minutes and 2-3 minutes. Each couples experience will be unique.
163 husbands and 97 wives responded to the survey at the cut-off date, giving 260 respondents in total. But each respondent answered for them and their spouse, so effectively we have responses for 260 husbands and for 260 wives.
Orgasm from intercourse
A significant number of wife respondents (70 of the 260) are unable to orgasm from intercourse, and require other forms of stimulation to reach climax.
If we look at just those able to orgasm from intercourse, then a clear trend becomes evident, that on average, husbands orgasm from intercourse quicker than wives. The largest group of husbands indicated that it takes them 3-5 minutes to orgasm from intercourse, and almost as large a group orgasm within 2-3 minutes. A significant number of husbands orgasm within 1-2 minutes.
The largest group of wife respondents on the other hand indicate that it takes them 5-10 minutes to orgasm from intercourse. Almost as significant a group take 15-20 minutes.
I do wonder whether the large number of wife respondents who cannot orgasm from intercourse maybe have husbands who orgasm too quickly for them, thus denying them the extent of stimulation that they require to reach orgasm in this way.
A potential technique to manage this mismatch for those couples who do experience it, is to stimulate the wife in other ways first until she is close to orgasm or until she has orgasmed already, before commencing intercourse. Once a women has orgasmed, she reverts to an 'orgasmic plateau' just below the threshold of orgasm, from where it is possible for her to reach orgasm again more quickly and easily.
The graph above just converts the bar graph to a line graph, which makes the trend and the differential more obvious.
Orgasm from a vibrator
Fewer respondents than I expected use a vibrator. Of the 260 respondents, 144 of the wives and 220 husbands do not orgasm using a vibrator. For wives who battle to orgasm from intercourse or other forms of stimulation, a vibrator can provide a useful and fairly easy path to orgasm. Some wives can only orgasm with the help of a vibrator. When used together by couples, they can be an integral part of a loving and intimate sexual relationship.
The graph above looks only at those respondents that do use sex toys. The one below shows the same thing, but as a line graph. These graphs show that it takes husbands and wives very similar lengths of time to orgasm using a vibrator, ie 3-5 minutes. Many wives orgasm from clitoral stimulation rather than vaginal or G-Spot stimulation, and thus a vibrator which provides more direct clitoral stimulation gives these wives a quicker route to orgasm than intercourse. If we compare intercourse above to the vibrator responses here, the time for the largest group of wives to orgasm goes from 5-10 minutes to 3-5 minutes.
For those men that have never tried it, and are wondering how a husband can orgasm with a vibrator, the easiest way is just to hold the tip of the vibrator against the underside of the head of the erect penis. It take a bit of patience, as the sensation can start off seeming like not much, but it then kicks up in intensity pretty quickly, and can give a very different orgasm. Men's orgasms are pretty much all about friction, and an orgasm that does not result from friction can be a novel experience.
Orgasm from manual stimulation
If we exclude those that do not orgasm from manual stimulation, in the graph below, then it is interesting to see that the largest group of male and female respondents take the same time to reach orgasm, namely 5-10 minutes. Again, as noted in the introduction to this blog post, the distribution of responses is normal around this mean, and shows a wide distribution of responses, from 1-2 minutes through to over 20 minutes, for both husbands and wives.
The same graph converted to a line graph, shows this correlation even more clearly. Husbands are distributed slightly towards the faster end of the scale, and wives slightly towards the longer end.
Orgasm from masturbating
A large number of the wife respondents (124/260) and a surprising number of the husbands (58/260) do not masturbate, or do not orgasm from masturbating.
For those that do orgasm from masturbating, the husbands on average orgasm faster than the wives. The largest group of husband respondents orgasm in 2-3 minutes, while the bulk of the wives are spread pretty evenly over the 2-3 minute, 3-5 minute and 5-10 minute categories.
Orgasm from oral sex
Again, a fairly large percentage of the husbands and wives that responded to the survey do not orgasm from oral sex. This does not mean that they do not have oral sex, for example as foreplay but not to the point of orgasm, but just that they do not orgasm from this. This is the way that the question was asked.
Interestingly, when it comes to oral sex, the experience of husbands and wives is very similar. In both cases, the largest group of respondents indicated that they orgasm within 5-10 minutes and the second largest group within 3-5 minutes. The line graph below shows this clearly. Again, on average, the husbands are marginally faster than the wives, but not significantly.
Number of orgasms in a typical lovemaking session
Unsurprisingly, the vast majority of husbands orgasm only once in a typical session. But husbands do typically orgasm. 10% of wives do not typically orgasm. The majority of wives orgasm once, while a fairly significant percentage (34%) typically orgasm 2 or more times. The survey did not explore how the orgasms are achieved.
There was a wide spread of responses to this question, with the responses being almost evenly distributed amongst the various options. Simultaneous orgasms are, however, clearly not the norm, whatever Hollywood would like to have us believe.
Again, the responses here showed a wide variation. I would encourage everyone to use lube, every time, even if you think you do not need it. It adds markedly to the experience, in terms of comfort and sensation, and provides protection against chafing for both partners' sensitive bits, especially if your lovemaking is physically intense or goes on for a while. Also, a silicone based lube is great for making love in the shower, pool or hot-tub, where the water would otherwise dissolve and wash away the natural feminine lubrication.
While the above statistics are interesting, I must stress again that everyone is different, and that there are a wide range of responses on either side of the averages above.
Also, I have not yet analysed in any detail, the differences between individual married spouses - ie in the 260 couples comprising the respondents there will be couples that are perfectly matched and couples that are widely mismatched in terms of the time that it takes them to orgasm with different forms of stimulation.
This most often causes challenges when it comes to intercourse. A number of husbands orgasm within 3 minutes or less of commencing intercourse, which can be a challenge if their wives require 10-15 minutes of penetration to orgasm in this way. This can be managed, however, and many couples learn how to do this effectively, either by bringing the wife to orgasm first through other forms of stimulation, or through engaging in sufficient foreplay to have the wife close to orgasm before they commence intercourse, so that she does not require much additional stimulation to reach orgasm, or by adding additional stimulation during intercourse, such as applying a small vibrator to the clitoris, or through engaging in additional other forms of stimulation after the husband has had his orgasm, in order to ensure that his wife is also satisfied.