So last night C and I had horrible sex. We should have given up about 3 times through the process, but we are too stubborn and were both determined to soldier on and not give up - neither one of us wanted to admit it was horrible and not working!
The point is, sex is not going to be wonderful every time for anyone, no matter what the movies want us to believe. I read once that for every 10 times a long-term couple make love, 6 times will be 'nice' and satisfying, 2 times will be blow your mind fantastic sex that leaves you gripping the sheets and gasping for breath afterwards while your world slowly stops spinning and as you start to focus again you look at each other in amazement and simultaneously go 'Wow!', and the other 2 times will be horrible. For us last night was one of those 2 times!
To start with, C was in the mood and I was stressed and grumpy, so she gave me some time to chill. By the time I had relaxed and was ready to go, C was tired and battled to get back into the mood. But we have had an unusually long break for us - almost 2 weeks - since C had thrush from antibiotics following a spider bite and then was on straight after that, and we felt like we were long overdue and had to break our drought, so instead of just calling it quits, we persevered. But we just weren't in sync and everything was off - our kissing, touching, everything just wasn't working like it usually does for us. Then I wanted C to be on top, and she wanted me to be on top - another sign we were both too tired and should just have called it quits - but by that time I was aroused and after a two week break stopping at that point would just have been painful (literally), so we settled for missionary and eventually managed to grind out our respective and rather resentful orgasms before rolling to our opposite sides of the bed and falling asleep.
Why am I (over)sharing this? Because some readers think that those of us who blog about sex in marriage have easy and amazing sex lives and that we are somehow special and different and thus not relevant because we don't have the same struggles with intimacy that they do. But that is not true. Even though we are sex positive in our relationship, and have lots of sex, most of it pretty good most of the time, we also go through our ups and downs. We are selfish, we fight, we take out our stress on each other, we go through high and lows and sexual dry spells and amazing spells and long ordinary spells of quiet intimacy in between.
But we persevere, and we forgive and we move on, and most of all we never give up on our sex life or on each other. We aim for 'near daily' sex and although we don't generally get there, or manage to keep it up for very long when we do, it is always our goal, and we both work hard to get back to it.
This morning when we woke up, we both smiled sheepishly and said 'sorry about last night', and we both know that tonight, or tomorrow night, or the next, we will have one of those blow your mind fantastic sessions that leaves us gripping the sheets and gasping for breath afterwards while our world slowly stops spinning, and that as we start to focus again we will look at each other in amazement and simultaneously go 'Wow!'