Monday, September 17, 2012

Coming together

One of the issues that SensuousWives often have to deal with, especially in counseling young, Christian married couples who have not had much sexual experience prior to marriage, is the expectation that simultaneous orgasms are 'the norm' and that there is something 'wrong' with them if they do not regularly orgasm at the same time.

This is unfortunately a myth created and perpetuated in romance novels and Hollywood movies, which for many couples is their primary reference point for sexual education prior to marriage.

In reality, for most couples simultaneous orgasms are a rarity, if they happen at all. When they do happen, it can be wonderful, but it is not a goal to be pursued at all costs, and certainly not something to stress about when it does not happen.

For most couples, the woman will generally require more foreplay than her husband, and longer stimulation during intercourse, to reach orgasm, unless he makes a particular effort to delay his orgasm until she is satisfied. Many women also find it difficult to orgasm from penetration at all.

So instead of stressing about climaxing together, rather just focus on satisfying each other, regardless of who climaxes first. That said, gentlemen, the rule is 'ladies first'. If your partner battles to orgasm through intercourse, then take the time first to take her to orgasm in the way that works best for her (ask her, or better yet ask her to show you). Once she is satisfied, you can then move onto intercourse and satisfy yourself. If she can only climax through intercourse after extended foreplay, then give her manual or oral stimulation or use a toy on her until she lets you know that she is really close to coming before you enter her. And if she needs additional manual stimulation during intercourse in order to reach climax, then find a position that allows you, or her if she prefers, to reach her clitoris for this purpose.

If you do come first, husbands, that does not give you a license to roll-over and fall asleep. One wife told us that in the early days of her marriage, when she was still to shy to ask her partner for what she needed, she would have to sneak off to the bathroom after he had fallen asleep to bring herself to orgasm. That is so sad. A gentleman if he comes first should always then offer to immediately move to stimulating his wife in her preferred way, to satisfy her too before his work for the night is done.

And remember that if one of you does not climax from time to time, that is fine too. If you are making love reasonably often, then there is always 'tomorrow night'! And as they say, especially for women, the journey is at least as important, and as pleasurable, as the destination. If the focus is all on the climax, you are missing out on all those long minutes of toe-curling stimulation along the way.

Finally guys, if your wife is one of the lucky few who can have multiple orgasms, then it is even more important to make sure that she starts coming before you do, and to continue to provide her with the required stimulation to allow her to continue coming after you have finished, until she is fully satisfied.

Remember that the more satisfied your wife is, the more likely it is that she will want to make love more regularly!